...will teach us nothing.

Needn't be so but it is.

Sting wrote those words in the song on NOTHING LIKE THE SUN

(one of my fav albums of all time)

and I have to agree with him that, as a species, we learn little or

nothing from our mistakes.

Even in regards to our personal histories, we tend to make the

same mistakes over and over.

When it comes to relationships, men tend to keep picking the

same kind of woman, even

when they eviscerate them; and yes, as women, we tend to do the same.

As a species, we've repeated the same stupidity over and over.

It seems most of us ride the coat-tails of the geniuses who take us

by leaps and bounds kicking and screaming

into the futures we fight tooth and nail but then embrace once there.

The future's so bright I gotta wear shades, but history's not so pretty.

I tend to be epoch-minded about history the same way

I tend to be about politics,

mostly because it is the politicians that write history, not the rest of us.

There's nothing written anywhere about nobodies like you and I in the annuls.

And everything that we think we know about history and the people

who etched it in granite is

likely not even remotely accurate. Heroes were likely not at all heroic

and events unfolded minus half of what we're told.

Most of history is probably just lies, written by whomever to create

whatever narrative suits whomever is being written about.

Whisper a sentence in one person's ear and by the time it's passed on

through 7 other ears,

it's rarely ever even close to the original message. History is the same,

save for it's a million years, not seven.

We still write and hold on to history because we believe it tells us

where we came from but if it's untrue then where we are from is a mirage.

This is most true when we think about who we were individually

at 5 years old or 15.

Ask people from your past and they will have a ton of things to say

about you and most of it will be unflattering.

Are they lying? Are you delusional?

Are they delusional?

Who were you really?

What really happened?

The books have recorded you, but is it accurate?

We should all know by now that whatever others see happen is

jaded and skewed

and so might our own digestion of reality.

So no matter how we approach it, history is essentially useless

and worthless.

The future is more important to me because I have some control over it

while HISTORY

(both human and my own individual history) are beyond modification and

control and influence.

Even the positive is what it is.

Despite this I'm still a fan of reading some history, especially the

more exotic ones like

Mayan, Egyptian and Asian histories: there's a rich culture in these

that occidental history is missing.

I'm also becoming a fan of Gaelic history and culture.

I worry very little about where I came from or where my family came

from even though I'm keenly

aware that much of my ethnic influences are potent and almost inescapable.

I'm more fascinated by the history of the development

of the female mind and character.

I see the dangers of Eve in myself.

I see the lunacy of Joan Of Arc.

I see the agoraphobia of Emily Dickinson.

I see the bawdy attention-whore of Mae West.

If history HAS taught me something it is that every minute of the day

I am writing what will become my history.

It is teaching me that I am the sum of my choices, including grand mistakes

and minor victories.

When I die, mine might be exotic or a bore depending on who reads it.

So, for me, my future is only as important as it is as an inescapable posthumous (auto)biography.

And that may collect nothing but dust on a shelf somewhere.

Maybe my story matters only to me, so maybe it is myself I should

most attempt to thrill.

People have been intriguing but, in the end, they all tend to run

into one another like watercolors.

Very few people or their deeds ever stand out in history as unique.

We're all doing the same things in an echo...or at least like an infinite

singing of 'row row row your boat'.

I decided that making every day unique and special to me is as ambitious

as I can and should be.

When you realize that you're not that interesting to yourself it demands

you find the intrigue in others.

Otherwise you begin to bore yourself.

I am not attracted to people who are fascinated by themselves.

​