Should be simple but far from it.

Living in a world with other people, we are constantly barraged

by reminders that

the pursuit of our own happiness is, in so many ways,

influenced by the presence of everyone else.

Where do we draw lines where our rights to our personal happiness

meet our moral responsibility to others?

I can't say that I have figured that one out.

For the moment,  I've decided that I want to not waste my life's precious time;

and I definitely find sex to be a very happy-making use of my time,

whether it's my happiness or an other's happiness I'm seeking.

But people have such radical notions about what is and isn't an

"appropriate" sex-life.

In fact, you're probably likely to have noticed, as I have,

that there's no other subject

where people's ideas about what is and isn't

acceptable vary as they do on this subject.

I doubt even one person I've met in my life (or reading this) would

utterly agree with my sexual tastes.

Not utterly.

Just as no one would likely agree with yours.

But happiness extends beyond sex.

For me, food is a close second.

I love exploring new flavours and notions of what we eat

and drink from around the world.

Traveling has shattered my horizons.

The first time I saw squid-flavored Doritos in Asia I realized the sky

was the limit when it came to the palate.

And then there is travel, amusement. Almost nothing makes me

happier than to be on a train or a road-trip watching the

luxurious landscapes, feeling myself being transported to somewhere far

from my daily comfort zone, especially when the culture and language

demands I learn at least a modicum of phrases.

If there is, it's steering a go-kart around a track, saddling a horse or

building the reflexes

needed to return a 90-mile /hour ping-pong ball over the net.

I love to laugh!

I love to get loud and excited and gasping for air!

Last year I tried rock climbing for the first time and, with the

fundamental need to climb beyond

my innate fear of heights and falling, I will try it again.

I love music.

It's one of the reasons I co-operate 2 radio stations and help

operate a label and why

there is always music on around me, not for background noise

like a jukeboxbut carefully chosen music to suit my mood, work, play.

I started singing when I was only 5 and I've had the privilege of having songs

written for me to sing and singing here and there on various titles

you can download on Itunes. I have a pretty good vinyl collection;

and I find great happiness turning off the lights and laying

quietly focused on whatever music I have playing...for hours.

 

So what is happiness? And how important is it?

​

For years, I believed my happiness wasn't important at all and

that the noble thing to do was to

work for others' happiness at the cost of my own. But, eventually,

I realized that trying to make others

happy was mostly a waste of time, which is tragic.

Once someone knows their happiness matters to you, they typically

forget about yours and just soak up whatever you're willing to offer

them without a conscience.

They rarely thank you or respect you and gradually you become

a vending machine for them -- nothing more.

So I began pursuing my own happiness with the exception of a few

people who are interested in helping me be happy as I am with them.

 

Is happiness laughter? Is it contentment? Is it gratification?

​

Sometimes I wonder that happiness is a myth, an illusion, a unicorn.

​

Maybe there is no such thing.

Maybe the closest we ever come to the idea are brief moments

of laughter, gratification or tranquility.

 

Whatever it is, trying to possess it in a world where most people

are so damn angry and vindictive is awfully difficult.

There's an underlying rage in most people that bleeds out even into

the streets themselves where strangers on a subway or sidewalk

bump and push and lash out like lunatics.

The world is becoming ever-hostile; and shaking off the influences of that

to keep my head on

straight and disallow it from darkening my mind is becoming more exhausting.

I desperately want to preserve my whimsy and glee and positivity.

It makes me feel and appear young; and nothing intimidates me

more than the thought I could become a bitch or a grouch like

so many others because everyone around me dragged

me into their shadows, even kicking and screaming.

I've learned to wake every morning and survey my little cosmos

and account for everything

I have and be grateful for it

because if I lose sight of the little things most take for granted

every day I'll likely find myself looking for my next little sliver of happiness,

forgetting how much I already possess.

 

I know I don't want to be sad but I don't flee from it either like it's a plague.

I know being alone is simply unhealthy.

I stopped watching/exposing myself to the news years ago!

So negative! So dark! So ominous!

I know worrying seems to change little or nothing.

Without being an ostrich with its head in the sand, I've learned

to tackle the darkness I can.

I pace myself in order to avoid what it can do (and often does) to people.

I know what makes me happy or unhappy, even if there

are things I have not yet discovered could make me happy or even happier.

I like the idea that today and tomorrow offer me so many new

opportunities to be happy if I so choose. 

The world is teeming with people, most of them not very happy;

and I really don't want to be one of them.

As for my responsibility to others -- I try to keep my head low

and mouth shut most of the time.

It seems the wise thing to do...

at least until it's an obstacle to me being happy.

At that point, I've come to the conclusion that if I'm offending someone,

it's likely I'm always going

to be offending SOMEONE; and they really don't care about my happiness

so I'm not sure why

I should care about theirs enough to modify myself.

People I play with are another story altogether.

They're people I've made a specific ambition.

Their happiness is what it's all about! 

Most people are unhappy and if there's anything

I can do to give them even 20 minutes

of what they consider an escape from the rest of their life,

then we're both happy, I hope!