I'm holding on pretty damn hard to my fluffy ideas about money.

Once you start hanging out with ridiculously-wealthy people

like celebrities, you discover the

philosophy that "rich people simply have more/bigger money

problems but they aren't necessarily happier"

you discover that's just nonsense. They are insanely happier!

It is a tragic development in our society that money has become the

solution to almost any and every problem.

I sigh and want to weep that it's true.

But it is.

There is almost no problem or crisis I've been in that wasn't easily

solved with the right amount of money.

About 90% of our human issues that make us worry and fret and panic

are so easily dismissed

when there's money to throw at them.

But, as I said, I'm holding on pretty tightly to my fluffy ideals about it.

We invented money because people are assholes

and can't simply share or barter fairly.

Without the innate need to "have", there'd be no need for money.

But, for now, it is what it is and we are who we are.

You can't give someone a $30 gift for

Christmas without them bitching behind your back

that they spent $50 on you.

Sad Sad Sad.

I want to believe that money will someday pass away.

So I'm sticking with it.

Mind you, it's easy to be philosophical about money when you have it.

Yes I'm in a unique situation where I live well without what

I do for fun, so...it's fun for me, not work.

Thankfully! I wouldn't want to do what I do for fun...for survival.

I'd become nasty, miserable, avaricious.

In my mind, I'd become useless doing what I do in that instance.

Instead I try to be as respectful about money as I am about time.

I save.

I don't have a frivolous lifestyle.

I don't drink, I don't own a car.

I don't take (and have never taken) drugs.

I don't smoke. I don't 'party'.

I know most of the girls I've met and talked

to do most or all of these things.

Not all, but most girls. Not all of these things, but most.

I find it hard to sympathize with people saying they need the money

they charge when they are

miserable about what they do and consider it work.

It's sad they aren't having fun doing something that should be super fun.

It's even more unsettling that they

then use said money to buy cigarettes

(which I'm pretty sure aren't cheap)...

and drugs which many have indicated they

are spending a small-fortune on to maintain their habit.

Gucci. $500 shoes. You name it. The money is flying out the window.

Then suddenly they need more. For more Gucci and crack.

Of course booze is more common, but I never got into that

when I was a teenager, so I'm really a fruity-drink person which

can still be pricey sometimes...

but I order one of them maybe every couple weeks

I don't party! I never understood this thing where people go out

and become insane and drink and take drugs and so forth.

I love having fun and I'm a wacky person but give me a go-kart or bumper cars,

give me a food fight or just awesome sex and I'm having a great time.

A fast ping-pong game or sailing out on the water, watching TV on the ocean

or playing with my puppy, running around the yard is a fantastic time for me.

Most things I like are cheap. I don't get the jewelry thing AT ALL!

For me, having a cream soda in the morning is a delicacy!

I don't spend a lot of money on myself and I certainly don't think it's

appropriate that girls plot and scheme to have their playmates pay

for theater tickets and expensive meals

and a hundred bucks in drinks so they can foot the bill for their fun.

Trust me, in private, they talk about this.

It's chilling how conniving they are about it. It is precisely

what so many men think about

women; and it demonstrates that, in most cases,

they are right on the money.

You can feel comfy that not one cent of whatever

you give me is going to any vices,

except maybe a Krispy Kreme doughnut.

I'm saving.

In a couple years maybe I'll open a restaurant without a mortgage.

Who knows. If anything you can feel some pride that yours

is going to help create a

fantastic retirement for someone who respects what you've given.

For now...the money is a strange measuring stick for me the way it is

for most people using it to grade themselves on their value to others.

What I'm given -- especially tips and gifts -- I use as a way of

measuring my value and the value

of the time we spend -- the value, that is, in YOUR eyes.

As a woman, we're all encoded this way, unfortunately.

How good am I at making you happy for whatever time we're together?

And, strangely, money helps men feel more comfortable.

It makes sense even though at first it didn't.

Initially, I was just trying to become more cosmopolitan

about sex because I'd been

so overprotected about everything in life.

But guys balked and it seemed impossible to hook-up

without money because

men's minds worked in this peculiar way.

They wondered, "why would this person do this with me if..."

All the blockades and issues of entitlement are adjusted and men feel

liberated from them as soon as money is involved.

Men understand money.

They understand a "deal".

I give you this and you give me this and the contract is settled.

No complications.

This is why marriage and even GF/BF relationships are so warped.

There's no agreement. Men find themselves wandering in the dark

with each new woman

attempting to find out what it is she really wants because

she really doesn't know what she wants.

So let me be frank and perhaps this isn't an education for you but still

-- from the mind and mouth

of a woman -- what women want is...

EVERYTHING!

We want you to be smart and stupid, rich and poor, rough

and smooth, brash and benign.

The list of CONTRADICTIONS goes on.

And when it comes to money, women really do want everything.

It's why there can never really be a fair 'deal'.

As for me, I've become philosophical about the idea of everything

because I have noticed I can be

quite content with far less than everything so, while it would

be nice to win a lottery,

I don't feel the need to manipulate men to buy me expensive

things and to give me far more than what I know to be fair and right.

There has to be a moral compass for everything, especially money.

There's only so much of it in the world and, while some people

pursue as much of it as they can get

their hands on, I think I know how much I need to feel safe, cared-for and happy.

Men spend so much of their lives trying to measure every new woman's greed.

It's tragic very few women seem as interested in measuring a man's need.

Marriage usually becomes a man spending his time and life giving

a wife and kids everything.

And getting little or nothing.

Little or no respect, declining sex, depleting freedom.

Shackled to his duties and responsibilities, he marches on

year-after-year wondering

why he's still doing this when, even for holidays and birthdays,

while he's furnishing the means for everyone to have elaborate,

numerous, expensive gifts he gets a tie.

Whatever he gets, it's nowhere equal to what he gives and deserves.

Every time I watch "That 70s Show" and they highlight how,

after all these years, Red Foreman's 

never been to a Packer's game, I cringe.

These people he calls family have zero respect for this man

and everything he gives them.

This is bullshit!

I keep that sort of thing in mind when I'm with my playmates.

Everything they are being robbed of by others, I try to give.

When we sign up for our long-term relationships, things are never

clearly defined as well as they are

when it comes to what I'm doing with you and what you're doing with me.

If they were you'd be happier and you wouldn't need me at all.

But you and me...there's no imbalance.

Everything's clear.

Everything's cool.

As it should be.

In another time, maybe money will vanish and all my 'fluffy ideals' will be realized.

I'll be long-gone by then.

So, for now, let's just agree that this works better than

almost every other relationship

you have where things are rarely balanced, fair and functional.

And have as much fun as we can...something that is also

likely sadly missing elsewhere in your circumstances.

Money can absolutely buy you happiness.

Even if it's just temporary...like money.

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